He’s not getting dumped. Here are the top ten reasons why:
1. The White House is concerned he will go out, get a real job, and potentially do serious damage.
2. Last time Obama mentioned him getting off the ticket, Biden took off all his clothes and locked himself in the Blue Room.
3. The news would make Biden’s combover stand up on end.
4. Michelle thinks he’s a perfect fit for her vegetable garden.
5. While not a genius himself, he makes Obama feel like a genius.
6. He vowed to chain himself to the colonnade and “never leave.”
7. Obama realizes that with Biden as vice president, the Republicans will never impeach him.
8. Sasha and Malia have started calling him “grandpa.”
9. He has promised during the vice presidential debate to simply keep repeating, “My name is Joe Biden and I hope you are having a nice day.”
10. He’s the first mainstream Caucasian-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.