As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Obama’s Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions

Well, we’ve done it. The chief of the White House Dossier investigative unit, Bob Woodboard, has obtained a the original copy of President Obama’s 2012 New Year’s resolutions.

We present here the top ten of those resolutions, exactly as written by Obama. As you’ll note, he appears to have changed his mind on one of them.

1. Convince Iran once and for all that we mean it no harm.

2. Throw Mrs. Robinson out of the White House.

3. Start hitting from the men’s tee.

4. Confess my love for Angela Merkel.

5. Enter twelve step program to help me stop expanding government.

6. Catch the guy who stabbed Muammar Qaddafi in the ass.

7. Stand up to Michelle and tell her to stop taking so many vacations.

8. Find out who is running economic policy and fire them.

9. Try not to look so natural when bowing to Saudi leaders.

10. Next time Bo asks for a flight on his own private Air Force jet, say, “No, bad dog!”

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Please let me know if there are any others you are aware of . . .

25 Responses to Obama’s Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions

  1. 11) Bring America to its knees in 2012
    12) Channel as much money as he can to the entitlement crowd.
    13) Provide tens of billions for more bridges to nowhere.
    14) Bloat the government payroll even more

    • If OblameBush and Joe BiteMe are re-elected in 2012, then you, CEESquireDSVJ are correct. It could take 40 years of civil war to overthrow the dictators who call themselves Progressive Democrats.

    • I’m sorry. I am confused about the spot-on-edness of James Carville. You cite his observations about republican politics, yet in September of last year he aslo said that Obumbo could not win re-election if he stayed on the course he was on. The president has not deviated one degree from his screw-America strategy since he took the oath of office. Someone has to win, So, which one is it?

  2. His real resolutions for 2012:
    1. Keep lying about everything
    2. Reward the unions with more favors than those given in 2011
    3. Play more golf and take many more taxpayer funded vacations
    4. Keep suing states that pass laws to protect their legal citizens against invasion from illegal alien criminals
    5. Keep the newly established hotline for illegals to call me to find out how to stay in this country. I will do anything to help.
    6. Nominate more Socialist/Communist’s as czars, judges, and agency heads
    7. Keep adding to the federal deficit in order to destroy the future of this capitalist, racist, homophobic, warmongering country
    8. Keep George Soros’ private telephone numbers handy at all times
    9. Keep pushing for passage of laws that will serve to restrict gun ownership, free speech, private property, and conservative voices.
    10. Find ways to illegally fund ACORN or other leftwing organizations to make sure voter fraud is rampant so I will win the election.

  3. He can forget #2; First Granny is in the house.

    Seriously, I find it very old-fashioned and comforting that they would keep their elderly, widowed mother close. It’s one of the two things that I find admirable about the Obamas.

    • Taking care of an elderly parent is very admirable srdem. It just seems a little suspect because she never lived with the family before Obama was elected to the presidency. Takes the shine off their gold star in my opinion.

    • There’s 2? What’s the other?

      Why does she never go anywhere with them? Surely granny would have enjoyed Hawaii? What exactly does she do with her time, rambling around the WH all day?

    • surely Mom-in-law is paid staff through some kind of hokey title, and is a great paid by the gov’t babysitter.

      What does she do when they are gone? Pah-tee down, mutha!

    • Ya they may keeping her close, but don’t forget about granny from Hawaii that had to take one for the team just before the election!

    • Thats what I dont get about Barack Hussein Obama’s “past”. Obama is a “politican” from Chicago, that septic tank of politics. So how did Obama “rise” so quickly & gloriously in Chicago politics with out getting any STINK on him…?

      I know, I know… NO ONE is allowed to question, ask about, research, investigate or vet Barack Hussein Obama’s “past”.