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The Top Ten Titles for Obama’s Next Book

by Keith Koffler on November 3, 2011, 1:57 pm

In a grand and false exclusive, White House Dossier has learned that President Obama, his reelection chances looking iffy, has already begun work on a new post-presidency book.

According sources at two publishing firms – Random House and Specific House, the president is testing several titles for his latest tome. White House Dossier has obtained a list of the ten most likely of the titles and presents them here for your perusal.


1. Dreams From My Uncle Onyango Obama

2. How to Bow to World Leaders Without Straining Your Lower Back

3. Wrecking the Economy for Dummies

4. Seven Ways to Make Israeli Prime Ministers Really Angry

5. My Biggest Regret: Why I Should Never Have Sought Advice from a Portuguese Waterdog

6. You Can Do It Too: Tips for Getting Jobs for which You Have No Experience

7. Tails I Win: The Proper Way to Eat Lobster

8. Surrender: A Foreign Policy Strategy for the 21st Century

9. The Audacity of Writing Two Autobiographies, and Now a Third

10. My Secret Agenda: How I Was Sent to Earth from Mars to Weaken the United States and Pave the Way for the 2014 Martian Invasion


These are the ones I found out about. Are there any that you’ve discovered?

H/T to Sarah Nelson who tweets at @Sarahside for thinking of the book title idea!

{ 3 trackbacks }


anneinarkansas November 3, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I plan to read and absorb all of the books.
I will then be ready to run for president.
Who will care if I am white, female, Southern, and 75 years old?
I will need all of your votes but after all of that reading, I will be prepared.

Brenda November 3, 2011 at 3:46 pm

You’ve got my vote, Anne.

lc southern November 3, 2011 at 2:27 pm

He is really working hard to do everything on that list!

ol gator November 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm

#11 The Movie: My name is barry- a sordid tale of one mans wicked ,evil and
ego driven journey to the top using any means to get there & any means to stay there.. so help him allah !

AFVET November 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm

A bit of humor is indeed refreshing Keith.
Keep up the good work.

Kim in Katy November 3, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I am torn between #9 and # 10

cheryl November 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm

#11 – How To Con The American People.

William November 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Heard that he’s also shopping some children’s’ books:
1) My Burger is for Me, Your Peas are for You
2) Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Corporate Jet Owner
3) The Call of the Wild Zuccotti Park
4) Obamacare’s Web
5) The Legend of Sleepy House of Representatives

Susan November 3, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Excellent William!

A.J. November 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

How about “MY burger is for me, and so is YOURS!”

JBH November 3, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Stolen from the Talking Heads, “And I ask myself, how did I get here?”

Mike in NJ November 4, 2011 at 2:53 am

That was perfect

Mike Lester November 3, 2011 at 3:43 pm

11. “How I Built The Great Intercontinental Railway”

12. “Magic Tricks: Disappearing College Transcripts ”

13. “More Magic Tricks: Turn Your Friends French Fries into Apple Slices”

14. “Drones For Dummies”

15. “Even More Magi Tricks: Turn Billion Dollar Deficits into Trillion Dollar Deficits”

Star November 3, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Drones for Dummies–love it.

Susan November 3, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Thanks for lightening the mood of your readers Keith. It’s nice to be able to laugh once in awhile. By the way, Hannity mentioned one of the statements Mr. Cain made that got him caught up on charges of sexual harassment — “Darlin’, do you mind doctoring my tea for me?” Sheesh…. what a dastardly man.

srdem65 November 3, 2011 at 4:18 pm

“His” And “Hers” Jumbo Jets”, Secrets For A Happy Marriage

“Golf Every Weekend”, Secrets For A Happy Husband

“Lobsters And Diamonds”, Secrets For A Happy Wife

nlynch November 3, 2011 at 4:27 pm

How to Lie With a Straight Face: Practice Daily

Mark Holbrook November 3, 2011 at 5:28 pm

The best flag in the entire nation!!

nlynch November 3, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I SO agree!

fallon November 3, 2011 at 5:20 pm

How about…

U.S. State Department: Steal or Buy This Book

Susan November 3, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Didn’t Abbie Hoffman already write that book?

Mark Holbrook November 3, 2011 at 5:23 pm

What about…
“My Illicit Affair With Mr. TelePrompter”
“How To Cultivate Union Thugs As Friends”
“Here’s a Shovel, Get Ready”
“Stimulus for Everyone”
“Air Force One Vacation Destinations” w/ Michelle’s shopping tips
“Creating Green Energy…Here’s a Billion”

Undine November 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Lord of the Lies.

A.J. November 3, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Now THAT’S profound. You must be articulate (please don’t be offended)

Rod November 3, 2011 at 6:32 pm

I’d submit a few but I don’t think they publish many book titles with expletives and references to female anatomy in the title.

A.J. November 3, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Sure they do. Just find a “progressive” publisher. Remember, it’s NO BIG @#$%^&* DEAL, to paraphrase the VPOTUS.

A.J. November 3, 2011 at 6:52 pm

How about:

“An Electric Car In Every Garage An A Lobster In Every Pot”

qestout November 3, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Atlas of the 57 States and the Famous Corpse Men Who Live There

Sharon November 3, 2011 at 7:21 pm

How about….The Art of the Con Game…or How to Promise and Never Change….How to Play War Games and Lose

Star November 3, 2011 at 7:42 pm

These books–they are all comics, right?

Susan November 3, 2011 at 8:00 pm

How I Managed to Embarrass America at the G20 — Without Really Trying.

Worldwide financial collapse? Violence in the streets of Oakland? That’s nothing…he had other things in mind on his trip to Cannes.
“I was hoping to come and see some movies.”

Rod November 3, 2011 at 8:12 pm

After reading that story, how about:

“How to be a douche on the world stage”

Just like the #occupuds and other liberals – avoid work and demand to be amused.

Boo November 3, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Is he smacking on his Nicorette gun (thanks, Granny Jan) as he continues to embaress (sp?) us?

srdem65 November 3, 2011 at 8:00 pm

What fun! Clever and witty.

MarjoJimbo November 3, 2011 at 8:33 pm

“How I Managed to Spend the Taxpayers Money Even When They Didn’t Have It”

MichelleIndependent November 4, 2011 at 12:11 am

The Audacity of Having William Ayers Write Your Autobiography

Mike in NJ November 4, 2011 at 2:52 am

More titles:
“After the Fall…Tales of a failed Administration”
“Veni vidi vici… Memoirs of a benificent Emperor”
“Yes I did… How to destroyed America and shave 5 strokes off your game”
“Executive Orders… The Dao of leadership”
“The Long Con… How to get rich, destroy an economy and improve your long game”
“Nothing to it…How I stopped the rising of the sea and healed the planet”
“I got mine, get Yours! The Idiot’s guide to winning a Nobel Peace Prize”
“Benevolent Despot…How I educated America in the evils of success”

Just a few humble submissions.

Robin H November 4, 2011 at 7:53 am

“Advanced Telepromptors 201″

“Group Photography for Dummies”

NoPinko November 4, 2011 at 10:09 am

Dr. Chicago

Mike Lester November 4, 2011 at 10:50 am

We have a winner.

Susan November 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Excellent. Definitely see the similarity between the Bolshevik Strelnikov and Comrade Barry…

happytrails November 5, 2011 at 12:13 am

No doubt it’ll win a Nobel Prize……

Star November 5, 2011 at 4:23 pm

No double indemnity on those?

Ginger November 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I Have The Right To Be Uppity…I Am Half White!

Johnathan November 5, 2011 at 2:16 pm

“If I Did It” A hypothetical description of how I would have destroyed the economy if I wanted to.

Leah January 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Nicely done!

Charles Mathews November 7, 2011 at 2:51 pm

New title for book: How to accomplish what Karl Marx and Joseph Stalin couldn’t.

anneinarkansas December 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Keith, you never fail to amaze me…wish I were as clever…your blog is the best I read each day.

J. Flynn January 26, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Proposed title for Mr Obama’s next book, as suggested by Boston Herald Columnist and radio talk show host Howie Carr:

“Base on Balls, A Life of Intentional Passes.”

stephen may April 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm

OBAMA– OSAMA—– Letters we shared,

stephen may April 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm

By Barrak Hussien Obama
How I destroyed race relations it America.
Forward by: Al Sharpton,Jerimiah Wreight, and Jesse Jackson.
Acknowledgements to: The new and improved Black Panthers with a shout out to those adorable Neo Nazis.
Dedicated to: Marx, Lenin, Keynes and Alinsky, who’s loathing of God and country inspired me attack everything that made America great.

stephen may April 9, 2012 at 8:36 pm

By Barry Obama,
Foward by:Rahm Emanuel, George Soros et al.

catch Barry’s weekly articles usually found in the fifth column of many newspapers.

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