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Top Ten Obama Excuses for the Failing Economy

by Keith Koffler on August 8, 2011, 9:32 am

Last week, the White House said the Japanese tsunami was partially to blame for the sorry state of the U.S. economy. While this provoked a certain amount of laughter, it is perhaps not quite as funny as several other reasons for the continuing downturn that appear on a secret White House list of excuses.

White House Dossier has obtained a copy of the list, and below is publishing several of them – for the first time anywhere! – for your perusal.

The top ten secret White House excuses for the poorly performing economy:

1. Loch Ness Monster threatening to make an appearance in Lake Superior.

2. Economy still reeling from failed 1980s introduction of New Coke.

3. Bo ate my economic plan.

4. Bernanke hooked again on Afghani hashish.

5. Economic time bomb planted by Richard Nixon finally going off.

6. Thousands unable to work after being injured trying to learn the Macarena.

7. Evil spell cast on the country by Dick Cheney has yet to wear off.

8. Obama never should have listened when Bush said, “Obama, wreck the economy.”

9. Lady Gaga accidentally allowed to provide economic advice during first year of Obama’s presidency.

10. Obama not getting in enough golf.

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{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }

srdem65 August 8, 2011 at 10:01 am

I still like the earthquake/tsunami excuse as the cause of our economic slide, as if the natural disaster in Japan caused this administration to pass Obamacare, enact strangling regulations on business and the big corps to take their jobs/money overseas years before the actual event.

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Okay, yes, now it makes sense. I was thinking the earthquake had economic effects, but clearly it retroactively caused Obama to overspend.

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G. August 25, 2011 at 4:55 pm

So then…that explains “Doctor Downgrade” having received the Nobel Prize even before he was done bowing to everyone and everything, eh? Sounds ’bout right to me…

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Scullman August 8, 2011 at 10:42 am

Obama and his socialist cadre are the only Tsunami that counts.

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Star August 8, 2011 at 10:44 am

Lady GaGa may wear meat–but she has the beef, an empire. I like No. 5–why didn’t we think of Nixon–this HAS to be his fault..

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Tricky Dick. It all makes sense.

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Star August 8, 2011 at 10:46 am

Axelrod–remember that guy?–was on the blabs saying, what was it again, oh–it was the Republicans’ fault.

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Laurie August 8, 2011 at 11:06 am

I’ve begun having a visceral reaction to Geithner. I’m a reserved, quiet, dignified librarian but I’d like to punch him in the kisser.

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Star August 8, 2011 at 11:20 am

You made me laugh. As a librarian you could wipe the floor with him. Oops–violent rhetoric. Sorry.

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jan August 8, 2011 at 5:50 pm

*snorts iced tea on monitor* You GO girl!
Wait…does that make me a tea partier and as such, the one to blame for this entire mess? Sorry….my bad. Will switch back to wine now.

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Star August 9, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Big lucky.

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Hah! Tim really has trouble now . . .

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Knothead August 8, 2011 at 11:12 am

As Mr. Obama would say, “I inherited this current economic crisis.” If I am not mistaken an inheritance is something that is given to you without much effort on your part. He wanted the job, ran for it and got it. That is not inheritance in my dictionary. Now that he got his inheritance, he doesn’t have to do anything.

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Star August 8, 2011 at 11:37 am

Might I add–if you have to use a billion dollars of other people’s money to “inherit” more bad stuff from yourself–this might sound like a bad deal to many people.

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jan August 8, 2011 at 5:53 pm

He “inherited” a AAA rating….something he was “given” with no effort on his part. Too bad he blew it and he blew it badly.

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Right. Don’t remember him saying during the campaign, “I’ll have trouble succeeding because everything is so bad.”

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William August 8, 2011 at 11:45 am

It’s hilarious. Everytime these people make up some bizarre excuse, it reminds me of The Blues Brothers when Jake is telling his ex why he stood her up at the altar. LOCUSTS!

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Good one. Going to use it with my wife.

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Mike Lester August 8, 2011 at 11:51 am

Golf? I’ve lit him up for it but in the long run, it’s the time not the activity that most find objectionable. I do think when you blame the previous ‘manager” for two seasons it’s bad for baseball (metaphorically). One of my lib friends is a Pirate fan. They suck this year so I told him he should go spit on Chuck Tanners grave. Same difference.

But back to golf and since he’s obviously addicted I think it’s a fair assessment of his character. I read once that he claimed to be an 18 handicap. That’s a shot per hole (the highest USGA handcp. is 36 (2 shots) for any competitive, local kick/grin club play.) This may not seem important but as a golfer for many years, having worked in golf as a younger man, you learn to spot and i.d. handicaps of other golfers. Trust me, he’s a generous 36 all day and that’s allowing that his playing partners dish out mulligans and kick back 4 footers. He is the POTUS after all.

But a lot of golfers lie about their handicaps and they lie both ways. In BHO’s case, golf is not the only thing about which his own estimation of his skill can’t find the first tee.

You can argue that a fawning media are at least half to blame (imagine Chris Mathews as his caddy, then take a shower. It would be that disturbing.) But he’s conditioned not to have to measure up like the rest of us and I’m trying to find a point in his life where he EVER WAS. That’s sad for a grown man but sadder for the Leader of the Free World and the poor saps behind him who’re waiting on every shot.

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Mike,

You make a lot of good points. First on golf – I’ve seen his swing on video. Unless it improved markedly since the video was taken, he’s not much of a golfer.

On your other points, I’m not sure what he’s ever done where he’s been held to a standard of accountability. He served as a legislator, not a governor, and not a particularly industrious one. Kind of skated through. Never had to make a payroll. Taught law – we know what kind of accountability professors have. Wrote books, which really sold after he ran for president.

He’s been hitting from the, um, forward tee for quite some time.

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Mike Lester August 9, 2011 at 9:56 am

Dylan (can’t even spell conservative) Ratigan:

“Wouldn’t anybody who wrote a memoir before the age of 50 be rather screwed up anyway?”

Read more: http://www.newsbusters.org/blogs/alex-fitzsimmons/2011/08/08/msnbcs-dylan-ratigan-obama-rather-screwed-writing-memoir-age-50#ixzz1UXX2CRUQ

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lc southern August 8, 2011 at 11:54 am

It’s always going to be someone else’s fault with this administration…

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jeff August 8, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Yep… It’s the butterfly effect. Someone in China musta scratched their ass n look what happened…

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MarjoJimbo August 8, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Phew. Finally some excuses that make sense. Thanks, Keith.

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:57 pm

See, there are real rationales out there.

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Webutante August 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Brilliant and funny, Keith, just when we need it most! Thanks!

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Keith Koffler August 8, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Thanks, your nice Webutante.

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Death Ray August 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm

#7: If by “evil spell” you mean “short-sighted military adventurism”, then I think you are on to something.

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Shofar August 8, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Obama said that the former administration drove the economy into a ditch. When you’re stuck in a ditch, you call AAA to get a tow.

Then they spent billions of dollars on bail outs that did not work. They spent like an alcoholic on a drunken rampage, where does an alcoholic go for help – AA.

So maybe S&P is just trying an intervention for the addicts that run Washington. Going to AA is always good for an addict.

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old and in the way August 8, 2011 at 6:51 pm

11. The dip in hotel/resort revenues. Which is why POTUS & co. must
immediately book their trip to martha’s vineyard.
12. The price of lard has flatlined. FLOTUS will keep the WH chef preparing
them to satisfy her passion the those tasty pig fat cakes.
13.The incredibly shrinking ozone. Obombo must expel as much hot air as possible.. (flatulence included)
14. Low Cigarette/nicorette sales. Opuffo (POTUS) is doing his part by feeding his excessive habit for both.
15. Whatever pops out of POTUS’ mouth.

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Star August 9, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Has anyone seen Buffett and Soros together–they are two sep people, right?

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Tom H. August 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

# 5 is actually dead on correct. The Nixn Administration’s decision to complete the decoupling of the dollar/gold link early in his first term set in motion much of the economic volatility experienced over the last forty years. We would not be in this situation if we were still on a gold standard.

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paul woodman August 13, 2011 at 2:19 pm

isn’t it telling that the terrorists in london are holding england hostage to get more from their government while the “terrorists” in D.C. are holding america hostage to get less from their govmint? who’s the more greedy?

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David Ball August 13, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Mr. Koffler,you made my day ! thanks for the inside scoop!

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Aaron H. August 13, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Even though these are in the ‘satire’ section, I wouldn’t doubt that they have been used after seeing past excuses.

2 things Larry Summers said were the following.

1. The economy has been sluggish due to the snowstorms. (It was only snowing in the DC area, for the snowstorms he was referring too.)

2. He once predicted that the economy was going to improve because the number of google searches for economic disaster has declined.

So these ‘satire’ jokes are funny but not half as funny as the real thing!

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urstrange August 13, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Don’t forget the Arab Sprig…when the Muslim Brotherhood aka best buds of the Muslim Bro in the D.C. Hood took over Eygpt, SOS Hitlery got donations for the “defenders of freedom” aka Al Qaeda in Libya, AchIhateJews got a green light from Ron Paul and his Paulettes aka shipped in vote skewers for their straw man in the straw poll, and Pauk-eee-staun got the faux POTUS’ nod of approval for holding his big bro Osama for the takeout and kick off for Obama’s cloning of Iran in the middle East and N. Africa agenda aka the only difference between Obama and Osama is one letter. Hey, O.boy need to start looking at the fraud in the mirror…

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Jerry August 13, 2011 at 11:36 pm

No, his excuses are “It Bush’s fault, it’s Bush’s fault, its Bush’s fault……………

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Pete February 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Who else is there to blame? It’s got to be! BO has done nothing wrong – bah ha ha ha ha! I almost made it through without laughing

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shawn August 15, 2011 at 8:20 am

yes ,that is the top reason for sure, if obama would PLEASE golf all the time the economy would do so much better. he does NOT know what wealth is or where it comes from, that is why is may not understand why he is killing it. everytime the gov. does anything it costs money, the money comes from one place, from those who have earned it. (obama doesnt know that, he thinks it is just there for him to claim) so it has to be bled from the businesses. yes thats right its a blood letting.money is the fuel of a business.its life blood. it uses money to expand,hire more workers.buy more equipment, many businesses are close to bankruptcy .taking more of their money will send them over the cliff. obamas answer?? tax credits and bailouts. these moves are unfair. he picks who wins and who looses. this is fascism . he is a fascist. this is why we are failing. jobs come from one place,not the government. from producers. government produces nothing!! they are to protect us from enemies. period. no run our money! not run our healthcare! not run our lightbulbs! we can vote with our feet. if you dont like our light bulbs buy the ones you do like. controlling everything is totalitarianism. this fails everytime it is tried. and usually ends in millions of deaths. russia,china. n.korea. read history people

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ronv August 18, 2011 at 10:41 am

How much better it would have been to actually list all the excuses Obama has really used. This is just childish.

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Mark Davis, MD January 11, 2012 at 5:03 pm

11) Nancy Pelosi told me to do it

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joe dreyer February 18, 2012 at 2:09 pm

this was very lame, and mostly not funny, except for the #1. Didn’t use much thought aparently, cause there’ s101 reasons to chose from, that would be actually more factual and much less generic. try again. I’m sure you could do it. He’s an OBAMINATION!

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Cathy February 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Where’s Obama been for three years?….shoving Obamacare down our throats, vacationing and playing golf I guess. Mr. “laser beam on jobs” was it.

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Pete February 27, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Love it! Excuses and more excuses. How is this guy still in power? If he is re-elected, we’re all screwed!

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Cathy March 7, 2012 at 11:23 am

11. Kim Kardashian hasn’t made a sex video in awhile.
12. It’s only been 3 years since Bush left office.

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Tocelp March 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

Let’s hope his last Presidential duty on January 19, 2013 is giving a pardon to his bud, Rod Blagojevich.

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Robert Franks August 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Obama has had EASY STREET re Congress!

From Nov 2008 until Jan 2011 – Democrats ran everything and Republicans could only watch

Do you really beleive if Republicans could have blocked anything – ObamaCare would have been blocked for sure!

No?

Do you really think that Republcans let ObamaCare silp by? BUT blocked everything else….

This is an image – this shows the reality.

http://legacyofsuccessbook.com/images/Obama%20-%20the%20Cry%20Baby.jpg

Obama needs to quit crying like a baby!

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