As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Bernard Madoff for President

I’ve made my choice. Yes, this is an official White House Dossier endorsement. Because what this country needs right now is someone who has some experience running Ponzi schemes.

Ponzi schemes, as many of you are aware, are illegal in the private sector but a perfectly acceptable way of doing business in the public sector. So I’m baking a cake right now with a hacksaw in it, because I think there’s nothing immoral about springing Madoff from jail so he can take a hot shower and then get about the business of running for president.

I think I deserve a shot at this.

Let me explain. People seem to be getting in on the secret of baseline budgeting. For many of us in Washington, it’s nothing new, and frankly I’m so used to this form of mass deception that I forgot it wouldn’t be self-evident to normal people.

That is, all these dramatic “cuts” you are hearing about – “Trillions in Savings!” – are not really savings at all, but reductions from expected increases in spending. It’s like if you tried to cut your credit card bills by promising to increase your shopping aggressively instead of very aggressively.

The Congressional Budget Office in January forecast that the federal government will add about $8 trillion in debt over the next ten years. So even “grand bargains” – which have now be cast aside anyway – closing deficits by $4 trillion would still leave us another $4 trillion in hole. That is, by 2021, we’d be $14 trillion in debt rather than $18 trillion in debt.

So just like Bernie, the federal government is constantly in need of new clients – which it calls taxpayers instead of “suckers” – in order to fund its Ponzi Scheme. Social Security, Medicare, discretionary spending – it’s all insolvent and would collapse into nothing without the constant feeding from suckers. I’m sorry, taxpayers.

So I’m putting a lot of frosting on my cake. I don’t want the hacksaw to accidentally poke out.

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23 Responses to Bernard Madoff for President

  1. Keith- re: the Maddoff for President
    I bet you can count on one hand the number of people who realize this fact.
    My ex- would be a good candidate, too. She “saved” me many, many $1,000’s by buying anything and everything because it was “10% off”

  2. Thanks Keith, we love frosting! And I nominate U.S. Rep. Gary Ackerman (D-NY), for VP. He’s the senior member of the House Financial Services Committee, who has introduced legislation that would provide assistance and expand protections to victims of Bernard Madoff and all investors defrauded by Ponzi schemes. He’ll be protecting us from our own government! What a guy!!

    • Why wait for legislation. Maybe we should file a class action suit against the govt for theft. We know for sure they looted the SS trust fund. We taxpayers who have been making those forced FICA donations could claim to be victims of Capitol Hill, and sue for restitution. It would be nice to see the roles reversed, where the politicians have to learn how to live with empty wallets and their pockets turned inside out.

  3. I’m still laughing, thanks for lightening the mood for us.

    His crime was to take the lead in wealth re-distribution when he should have known that it’s the federal government’s responsibility. Just as Arizona had overstepped it’s authority to capture and deport illegal aliens and had to be slapped down in court, MrMadoff has been punished for his progressive financial scheme.

  4. “[T]he federal government is constantly in need of new clients – which it calls taxpayers instead of ‘suckers'” – not to start an argument about abortion, but if we didn’t have Roe v. Wade, we’d have had 30 million more taxpayers already paying into the scheme. Who knows, maybe the left will push for an end to abortion as a birth control method so it can get more taxpayers.

  5. Thank you for pointing out the baseline accounting con that has been going on in DC for decades, and with great humor as only you can do. Have to admit, I never knew about the automatic 7% increase each year. Starting to understand how the govt just keeps getting bigger and bigger no matter who we send to DC to get it under control.

    Too bad Bernie wasn’t working for the govt when he got caught. Rather than occupying a jail cell, he would have been kicked up the ladder and probably have Geithner’s job.

  6. “So just like Bernie, the federal government is constantly in need of new clients – which it calls taxpayers instead of “suckers” – in order to fund its Ponzi Scheme. Social Security, Medicare, discretionary spending – it’s all insolvent and would collapse into nothing without the constant feeding from suckers. I’m sorry, taxpayers.”

    Love your common sense explanation of the relationship between the boss (suckers) and the cocky employee (fed govt). We have been pretty understanding suckers, err employers for quite a long time. Time to change the rules of the game. Make firing federal employees who are incompetent as easy as it is for us to be fired by our boss. If any one of us treated our boss the way these jokers have been treating the American people, we would be fired on the spot and escorted out of the building.

  7. if he has his way, there won’t be another election. in his mind, why should there be. he has already destroyed our constitution, with full complicity from congress. he gone to war with expressed disregard for congressional authorization defined by Article 1, sec 8.11. he has “allegedly” involved numerous national law inforcement agencies in a contrived scheme to track supplied weapons across international borders, into another souvereign nation under the pretext of drug war interdiction, in reality, to obscure his ultimate intentions of abolishing Amendment II, Bill of Rights. He has enacted laws that have not been read by congressional representatives that are in direct conflict with the commerce clause. then there is still the much demonized, yet ignored, rational debate about his basic eligibility to even hold this office, and again, with congressional complicity…the list is growing longer every day…

  8. Keith, as always you are track on of this government double speak of base line spending/savings. To the average American a base line is zero, not a projection in the growth of government spending that our elected officials are now going to somehow heroically slow down. I heard it explained yesterday in terms everyone can understand.

    I am contemplating buying a new Mercedes for $100,000 which I plan to finance at 100%. I changed my mind and bought a small Ford for $20,000, for which I still will finance the entire purchase. In the government’s view, I just saved $80,000. In my and every rational persons view, I just spent $20,000 I didn’t have to begin with.

    This is why only true reform will happen if Congress passes something like cut, cap and balance or the Connie Mac bill that reduces real spending by 1 cent on every current dollar being spent.

    It is truly sad that the vast majority of American’s are so uniformed that they have no idea how big the shaft is that is being shoved up our collective butts.