As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Mr. President, You’re Our Guy!

President Obama made me very sad. He said during a fundraiser last night in Miami that it was over between him and people like me.

If you’re looking for just a bunch of partisan rhetoric, I’m probably not your guy.

And I thought, gosh, what will I do? I’m looking for a bunch of partisan rhetoric, but the president is above that sort of thing, and now I got nothing. He’s cerebral, hopeful, changeful, and that kind of good stuff, not a like a politician at all.

I was concerned I might have to start hanging out Nancy Pelosi or Tom DeLay, people who aren’t afraid to step on the pedal and rev up the partisan rhetoric a bit.

But then I got me to thinking, and it occurred to me, there really isn’t a problem! There’s no daylight at all between my desire for mindless partisan rhetoric and President Obama. In fact, he’s spoken lots of it himself!

Don’t worry, Mr. President, it’s going to be okay. Speaking for myself and all the other vitriolic, thoughtless partisans out there, I want to tell you: You’re still our guy!

Here’s a sample of some of the things the president has said, just to show you why I feel so much better. I’m mean, there’s so much there that will bind us together:

“They want to hand Washington back over to special interests.  We’re fighting on behalf of the American people.  They want to take us backwards.  We want to move forward . . . Their main strategy is they’re betting you’ll come down with a case of amnesia, that you’ll forget what happened between 2001 and 2009, what that agenda did to this country when they were in charge.”

– September 18, 2010; Washington

“It’s [a Republican] agenda that basically offers two answers to every problem we face:  more tax breaks for the wealthy and fewer rules for corporations.”

– June 2, 2010; Carnegie Mellon University, Pittsburgh

“I don’t want the folks who created the mess to do a lot of talking, I want them just to get out of the way so we can clean up the mess.”

– August 6, 2009; Tysons Corner, Va.

“It’s the Republicans. And they say, ‘We want the keys back.’ You can’t have the keys back. You don’t know how to drive! Now, if you want, you can roll with us. But you got to be in the back seat.”

– October 17, 2010; Columbus, Ohio

“Let’s take a look at the Pledge to America.  Anybody read the Pledge to America?  Let me tell you, for starters, it turns out that the pledge was actually written in part by a former lobbyist for AIG and Exxon Mobil.  That should tell you something right there.”

– October 10, 2010; Philadelphia

On the House Republican budget by Rep. Paul Ryan: “There’s nothing serious about a plan that claims to reduce the deficit by spending a trillion dollars on tax cuts for millionaires and billionaires.  And I don’t think there’s anything courageous about asking for sacrifice from those who can least afford it and don’t have any clout on Capitol Hill.”

– April 13, 2011; George Washington University, Washington DC

“If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, ‘We’re gonna punish our enemies and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us,’ if they don’t see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election, then I think it’s gonna be harder and that’s why I think it’s so important that people focus on voting on November 2.”

– October 25, 2010; Radio interview on Univision

“See, what the other side is counting on, what they’re counting on is you’re going to stay home.  They’re counting on your silence.  They’re counting on your amnesia.  They’re counting on your apathy.  They’re counting on young people staying home and union members staying home and black folks staying home and middle-class families staying home.”

– October 10, 2010; Philadelphia

“But when we arrived in Washington, the Republicans in Congress, they had a different idea.  They knew it would take more than two years to climb out of this recession.  They knew that by the time of this election, people would still be out of work.  They knew people would still be frustrated.  And so what they figured was, if we just sat on the sidelines, if Republicans just opposed everything we said we could do, if they rejected every compromise we offered, if they spent all their time attacking Democrats instead of attacking problems, they figured they might be able to do well in the polls.”

– October 10, 2010; Philadelphia

“We have spent the last 20 months governing. They spent the last 20 months politicking.”

– August 9, 2010; Austin, Texas

Right here in Illinois, in this Senate race, two groups funded and advised by Karl Rove have outspent the Democratic Party two to one in an attempt to beat Alexi — two to one.  Funded and advised by Karl Rove.

– October 7, 2010; Chicago

Karl Rove! That’s Swedish for “Satan,” right Mr. President?

Thanks again. Everything is going to work out great.

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11 Responses to Mr. President, You’re Our Guy!

  1. Let’s hear him spew some examples of partison rhetoric, what might that sound like?? Just for reference, so we know what he’s talking about when he tries to tell us he doesn’t do it.

  2. This is awesome. If only there were some way you could indicate which speech affectation he was using in these remarks, it would be perfect.

  3. Bravo Keith! Love your wit and humor. Agree with MT and William, video of him would be the icing on the cake. Granny Jan probably has every single one of these speeches on file. A video montage of his speech affect, depending on what special interest group he is trying to woo, would be priceless.

  4. He is the perfect Eddie Haskell. What will hopefully be different this time is that people should see through it. It will be important that those quotes are replayed every time he does his “What? Me?” routine so he doesn’t get away with it.

    It is telling that he selected Debbie Wasserman-Schultz to be the head of the DNC. He could have selected any number of proud, principled, and effective Democrats, but instead he wanted a bombthrower. That speaks volumes about how this guy truly is.