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Mr. President, Was This Book Really Necessary?

by Keith Koffler on May 26, 2011, 12:52 pm

EXCLUSIVE!!!! White House Dossier has obtained the cover jacket of a new book by President Obama. We give you below a photo of the front cover and a reprint of the blurb by Obama found on the side panel. Take a look!

Barack Obama book on Osama Bin Laden

The blurb:

“I highly recommend this book to anyone who thinks I’m not a true badass. Just because I tried to make friends with Ahmadinejad and am afraid of Nancy Pelosi doesn’t mean I can’t take care of business.

Earlier this year, while trying to figure out whose ass to kick, the CIA brought me some startling information: I could kick Osama Bin Laden’s ass, the biggest ass of all.

This was not surprising to me, because it was the result of my policies, and not of those of George W. Bush, who was not a good president and couldn’t find Bin Laden.

Early in my term, I went to the CIA and told them: “Take out Bin Laden.”

And they said, “What do mean, like take him out for sushi?”

And I said, “No, take him out. Isn’t that how they say it in the movies?”

And they said, “Oh, you mean kill him?”

And I said, “Yes, kill him.”

And they said, “We’re already trying to kill Bin Laden.”

And I said,” You’ve got to try harder.”

And they said, “We already have all the available assets working to kill him. Bush was trying to get this guy for years. It’s the highest national security priority.”

And I said, “Make it an even higher national security priority than Bush made it.”

And they said, “Well, I guess we could hire another receptionist.”

And I said, “Do it.”

In this book, I talk about it all: The agonizing Oval Office decisions, the sleepless nights wondering if I wore the right pajamas, the cool gadgets in the Situation Room, the terrible decision to tear myself away from golf and watch the Osama Bin Laden raid on closed circuit TV.

You’ll be there with me for it all, as if you were in the room – but off in the corner, not in the middle where I sit.

I promise, that after you read this book, you’ll never want to read another book again.

{ 22 comments }

1 May 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I’ll wait for the movie.

Star May 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Loved the receptionist line.

Tom May 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

After reading this I’m not even sure I want to read the book. My heart can’t take all the suspense!

Keith Koffler May 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

It is page turner, Tom.

srdem65 May 26, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I think this is the kind of thing the WhiteHouse’s new “ministry of information and re-education” would consider anti-Obama.
The pushback from the WH will be:
Sworn statements of eye-witness accounts of how MrO had to be restrained by ReggieLove from boarding the helos with the Seals as they set off for their mission are released for publication.
Spurious accounts of FirstGranny pushing MrO into the helo are not accurate according to a WH spoxperson..

Keith Koffler May 26, 2011 at 9:32 pm

I’m glad you are as concerned about this as I am, srdem, and what it means for free speech. Wrote a piece a while back on how Obama’s minions bully the press. http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2011/03/14/white-house-bullies-press/

I guess this means they’ll step it up.

rick golding May 26, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Ya gotta love it!

Susan May 26, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Congrats on the scoop Keith! This is about the funniest article I’ve read in a while. Thank you for the laugh. The Princess Beatrice hats are priceless!

Granny Jan May 26, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Susan May 26, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Oh my goodness, that is hilarious! Sorry Keith, Granny Jan outdid you on the use of the Princess Beatrice hat.

Max May 26, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Ha? Stick to your day job, Keith…. you’re no Dana Milbank.

Susan May 26, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Who is Dana Milbank?

LC southern May 26, 2011 at 4:49 pm

LOL

D.V. May 26, 2011 at 5:04 pm

The hats only add to the gravity of the situation I will be first in line to purchase this book.

SandraC May 26, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Funny.

Alas, seems to have a huge ring of truth. Of attitude if nothing else.

Helen Benziger May 26, 2011 at 9:20 pm

TOO FUNNY! When humor is based in truth it is ever so much sweeter!

Keith Koffler May 26, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Thanks all – or most! Took me a while to figure out how to use my photo application to put together the book page. The hat photo I found. BTW, I think it may be the photo that made Gates oppose releasing the Bin Laden photos – it was reported that he got concerned about the possibilities of Photoshop with the OBL photos after seeing a picture of everyone in the Sit. Room with hats on.

William May 26, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Even with all the flourishes, it still looks like they stuck him in a corner and said, “You just sit there, Barry, while the adults do the work.”

Kathy May 26, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Keith, that was really funny. I think one of your best posts yet. The photo was awesome.

Keith Koffler May 27, 2011 at 7:50 am

Thanks Kathy.

jan May 27, 2011 at 8:03 am

I suppose the book could be kept next to the toilet just in case we run out of tissue…..

Miranda May 27, 2011 at 9:41 am

Best one yet Keith! Almost lost my coffee this morning!