President Obama said yesterday that he released his long form birth certificate because he didn’t want the issue to obscure high minded debate. Of course, White House Dossier and its intelligent readers all know that this is cannot possibly be the case.
So I gathered a team of my best reporters and ordered them to find out the real reasons why Obama released the certificate. After exhaustive interviews with sources in the White House, on Capitol Hill, and in Hawaii, they reported back the top ten true reasons Obama put the certificate out.
They are as follows:
1. Needed it to try out for the 2012 U.S. Olympic team.
2. Kenya was preparing to open an “Obama Birthplace” tourist attraction.
3. Thought it might prove he is the Messiah.
4. It was actually Biden who requested it.
5. Even Michelle was starting to wonder.
6. It’s required for selection to the Hawaii Hall of Fame.
7. Accidentally spilled something on the short form birth certificate.
8. Plans to present it as a gift to Queen Elizabeth on his trip to Great Britain next month.
9. His friend Martha Stewart wants to make a placemat out of it.
10. His publisher was claiming Harry Belafonte was Obama’s real father and wanted to rename his book “Dreams of some Kenyan Dude.”