Yes, do it. Go ahead. Quick. People are calling for the Scandinavians to take it away from you because you had the temerity to use instruments of war against Libya. So now is the time to give it back.
But waaaaaiit a second here. No, don’t give it back because you no longer deserve it. You never deserved it, you’ve pretty much acknowledged that.
But don’t give it back because you never deserved it. Heck, I get lots of things come my way I don’t deserve. I’m not giving them back.
Give it back because the Nobel Peace Prize was nothing more than effort to control your behavior, a rank attempt by a bunch of left wing Norwegian nudist colony enthusiasts to dictate the foreign policy of the United States.
Their message to you was clear: Of course you don’t deserve this, so now you should feel obligated to earn it by subverting U.S. interests to those of the world community and mothballing your marvelous military.
Here is a quote from the citation the prize committee released on awarding you the Nobel in October 2009:
Obama has as President created a new climate in international politics. Multilateral diplomacy has regained a central position, with emphasis on the role that the United Nations and other international institutions can play. Dialogue and negotiations are preferred as instruments for resolving even the most difficult international conflicts.
You got that? They are saying: “You are a man of peace and collective action. You are a man of peace and collective action. We are trying to hypnotize you. Observe the watch as it swings from side to side. You are getting sleepy. At the count of ten, you will forever be a man of peace and collective action. One, two, three . . . ”
Mr. president, you may say this award does not affect your behavior, but it has to be tinkering around in the back of your mind. I mean, IT’S THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. You learned about it in second grade. And now you got it. Damn.
So that’s why you have to just give it back. Or else it will serve as a monkey on your back for the rest of your administration. You’re probably thinking you’re done dropping explosives on people after Libya. It’s probably preventing you from thinkin’ on what you really need to do, which is bomb Iran’s nuclear installations. I mean, how can a man get THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE and then order up two wars?
Listen to me, President Obama: “You are a man of war. You are man of war. Not the fish kind. You will ditch the international community if necessary and do what you have to. You will ditch the international community if necessary and do what you have to. I am trying to hypnotize you. At the count of ten, you will wake up and bomb Iran. One, two, three . . . “