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Shocking Exclusive: Transcript of Libya Alliance Meeting

White House Dossier has obtained a partial transcript of the minutes of a recent meeting the the Libya alliance. The meeting included an extraordinary gathering of the heads of state of each of the countries except for President Obama, who busy on the Frommers.com website planning a vacation.

The coalition seems to be functioning according to plan. The problem appears to be with the plan.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy: OK, this meeting is called to order.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel: We are pulling out of the coalition.

Sarkozy: Could you wait a second? I have to take attendance and offer my introductory remarks. Now, I will continue. Italy?

“Here.”

Bahrain?

“Here.”

Saudi Arabia?

“Here.”

Qatar?

“Here”

British Prime Minister David Cameron: I move that we stop taking attendance and get down to business.

Hillary Clinton: I second the motion.

Sarkozy: I reject the motion. Italy?

Clinton: OK, you take attendance, we’re going to start the meeting. Now, let’s review operations to date. So far, the United States has launched 235 Tomahawk missiles. The number of sorties flown –

Sarkozy: EXCUSEZ MOI!!! I am taking attendance!! Italy?

“Here”

Sarkozy: United States?

Clinton: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Sarkozy: United States?

(Silence)

Sarkozy: I will have to mark you absent.

Clinton: “Here.”

Sarkozy: United Arab Emirates?

“Here.”

Sarkozy: OK, everybody is going to have grumpy faces? I will suspend the attendance until later in the meeting.

Merkel: We’re withdrawing from the Libya alliance.

Sarkozy: How can you withdraw? You are a part of NATO.

Merkel: We are Germans, and we are a peaceful people.

Sarkzoy: Oh, since when, eh?

Merkel: 1945.

Clinton: Let’s move on to the status report. Now, we are all very impressed by –

Sarkozy: I suppose you think 66 years of resisting temptation makes up for what you did?

Merkel: Excuse me, can you say Napoleon, you little frog?

Clinton: Now lets cut it out people. Let’s get it together. I was about to say how impressed we are that Qatar has allowed two of its planes to partake in this operation.

Emir of Qatar Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani: Excuse me, may I say something?

Clinton: Of course you may. We are all equals here.

Khalifa: Well, we are pulling back our airplanes.

Clinton: What? Why?

Khalifa: We are afraid they might get shot down.

Clinton: You are afraid they might get shot down?

Khalifa: Yes.

Clinton: Well, that’s kind of comes with the deal when you agree to participate in a war. There’s a small element of danger there.

Khalifa: Exactly! That is why I am pulling them back. I really love those planes.

Clinton: I know, I sold them to you.

Khalifa: Yes, can we buy some more?

Clinton: No. We’d like now to hear from another valued member of our coalition, the Emir of Kuwait,¬†Sabah IV Al-Ahmad Al-Jaber Al-Sabah.

Sabah: Thank you. It is my pleasure to be participating in this esteemed coalition. I think we all are having a grand time and a buffet lunch with be served courtesy of the Emirate of Kuwait at noon. While we are picking up the tab for this delicious meal, we cannot provide any military hardware at this time, but my son the crown price Emir is going to make available to the Libyan rebels his personal Lamborghini to help speed them to their next destination after they conquer each city.

Sarkozy: Excuse me.

Sabah: I would also like to make clear that our participation in this Grand Alliance in no way implies our support for the racist, imperialist, Zionist aggressors, the illegitimate state of Israel, and that we support the continued lobbing of as many missiles as possible into Tel Aviv.

Sarkozy: Excuse me, what is that singing?

“The answer my friend,
Is blowin’ in the wind;
The answer is blowin’ in the wind.”

Clinton: Merkel, what are you doing with that guitar?

Merkel: I’m singing songs of peace. We are withdrawing all of out troops from the Libya theater and sending them on a humanitarian mission to Poughkeepsie, NY, to help all the American citizens there who lack socialized health care.

Clinton: It’s on the way.

Merekel: Those people can’t wait.

Sarkozy: Excusez moi!!! I will now complete the attendance taking. Luxembourg?

“Here.”

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8 Responses to Shocking Exclusive: Transcript of Libya Alliance Meeting

  1. You left out the part when MrsClinton offers bribes to several of the nations to approve this NFZ to “give me a chance to finally stick it to that dirty rat Obama”.

    I take exception to your portrayal of MrSarkozy as a dim bulb, after all he did marry a beautiful ex-model. That has to be in his favor, yes?

  2. ROFL!!!! Love it!! This kind of conversation is probably why they keep reporters tucked away in closets – until they’re done taking attendance and sniping away at each other and can put their We’re So Important faces back on! May be more truth than satire!