Having failed to cancel the Muammar Qaddafi Show, President Obama is going to have to sit and watch it, along with American voters, for the next two years.
The first episode airs this week, as Qaddafi inflicts mass civilian casualties while bombing the city of Benghazi. In this special two hour season premiere, we’ll also watch as his kids’ private armies and his mercenaries from throughout Africa enter the city and kill anything that moves.
Next week begins a season long theme – the dragging of real and perceived Qaddafi enemies from their homes as their wives and children wave goodbye to them for the very last time.
Future episodes will feature Qaddafi himself, totally psyched about having somehow survived when a little push by the United States could have sent him straight to Caracas for a recurring role on the zany Hugo Chavez Show.
He’ll be fist pumping and jeering as crowds of intimidated Libyans parade before him to display their obeisance.
While we are treated to occasional glimpses of the slaughter being wrought against his countrymen, Qaddafi will be noisier than ever, thumbing his nose at the world as the Germans, and then the Italians, and then the French cast away those silly sanctions and start begging for more of that Libyan crude – which is, BTW, the sweetest stuff around.
Qaddafi will film a special episode at the United Nations, where the Arab League, which in a rare moment of bravery and decisiveness had called for a No Fly Zone, will now be forced to recognize the fecklessness of the United States and embrace their reviled colleague as if nothing ever happened.
In this episode, Qaddafi will pitch a tent in Central Park and hold press conferences pretending to be magnanimous toward the vanquished Obama, who made the gruesome error of calling for Qaddafi’s ouster and then not arranging it. He’ll parade down Fifth Avenue with a line of miniskirted Ukrainian nurses, and take back his seat on the UN Human Rights Council. He’ll give a speech asking Allah for forgive Obama and promise to do whatever he can to prevent global warming and reduce overfishing in the Mediterranean.
Another episode will be brought to us from Iran, where Qaddafi and Ahmadinejad will tearfully embrace and ritually kiss, maybe a few more times than they need to. They’ll speak earnestly of the right of all nations to possess nuclear power for the most peaceful of purposes. Qaddafi will reconsider the idea, casting aside the memory of a previous president whose decisive action against Saddam Hussein loosened the quavering Qaddafi’s bowels to such an extent that his entire nuclear program tumbled out.
And we’ll see what’s left of the Iranian democracy movement, cowed into hiding by the knowledge that the U.S. won’t lift a pinky to help them. They’ll be shown texting busily via Facebook with the rest of the Middle East’s would-be rebels, who have been stalled into momentumless limbo by the bloody end of their Libyan brothers.
Meanwhile, as the season drags on, Obama will begin to throw stuff from the White House vegetable garden at the TV, because he knows Qaddafi is becoming an emblem for his weak, vacillating foreign policy. He’ll realize voters are remembering when they used to watch the Jimmy Carter Show, which featured America getting jerked around.
The Jimmy Carter Show, Obama knows all too well, was cancelled.
And for Qaddafi Show’s season’s finale? The big cliffhanger?
The scene is the throne room in Tripoli. Muammar’s obnoxious son Said, furious that he’s no longer welcome in politie society and that Beyonce now refuses to dance for him, suggests to daddy that the time has come to get back in the family business of murdering Americans.
And Muammar sits, strokes his chin, and says, “Hmmmmmm . . . . “