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Secret Michelle Lunch Menu Program Causes School Upheaval

White House Dossier has obtained evidence of a secret pilot program testing the new “Healthy Kids” school lunch menu on children at an elementary school in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. WHD has been provided a private memo that was sent by an agent of the first lady’s office to the White House last week. In it, the agent describes some horrifying scenes of disruption and delinquent behavior. Blog viewer discretion is advised.

What follows is the document sent to the White House, presented in its entirety.

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To: First Lady’s Office; East Wing; The White House

From: Operative Fabio Incognito – aka Joe Smith, Substitute Math Teacher

MEMO: RESULTS OF TEST RUN OF FIRST LADY’S NEW SCHOOL MENU

Greetings.

The initial testing program here at James Monroe Elementary School in Sioux Falls, South Dakota is now complete, and the results are somewhat below expectations. Actually, the school is in a state of total chaos.

For one month now, the children have been served the raw celery and carrots, salad, whole wheat pizza, steamed broccoli and all the other items on the school lunch menu.

The new food has set off a rebellion that school officials have been unable to quash.

Angry, famished kids who refuse to eat are roaming the halls in a bad mood from skipping lunch, tearing art projects off the walls and beating up students who brought lunch from home.

Dozens of children who saw the Egyptian protests on TV have taken up residence in the auditorium, renaming it Tahrir Hall and refusing to leave until the cafeteria manager resigns or “begins an orderly transition to new leadership,” according to a student manifesto.

A cafeteria worker who tried to serve a plate of green pepper strips was attacked by a student with an ice cream scoop demanding to have “Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey or some suitable alternative.”

Two weeks ago, several students seized control of the kitchen’s deep fryer and dropped their “oven-baked fish nuggets” in it in order to ratchet up the flavor. Others armed with salt shakers ran behind the cafeteria line and and added significantly to the sodium content of the food before being forcibly removed by security.

The school vegetable garden was commandeered two days ago by sixth graders desperate for red meat, and turned into a cattle ranch.

In a particularly nasty turn of events, teachers are reporting a stunning increase in the amount of farting in class due to the high fiber content of food on the new menu. Classrooms have had to be evacuated more than a two dozen times, costing students hours of critical study time.

Kids refusing to eat the new lunch food are being found in the wooded area beside the school eating fattening foods. One student I apprehended offered the following testimony:

“You start on the Oreos, and then you move to the harder stuff, like Devil Dogs and Ho-Hos. Before you know it, you’re scarfing ribs and cherry cobbler and washing the whole thing down with Coca-Cola.”

It is the recommendation of this agent that the test program be suspended, at least temporarily, while adjustments are made. If the program is to continue unchanged, this agent requests that you order a “surge” of school security officers to contain the unrest.

Also requesting installation of a candy machine in the teachers’ lounge.

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27 Responses to Secret Michelle Lunch Menu Program Causes School Upheaval

        • Obama looks down on hard working private sector Americans. He has always hated this country and the founding fathers. Just look at who is his best friend is… Bill Ayers the anarchist. Obama is a racist and wants to take wealth away from those of us who earned it and give it to those who feed off of the system. He wants to turn us into sheep like Europe and make us beg for entitlements after he strips us of all our wealth.

  1. Crop failures in Russia and Australia, millions of starving refugees, escalating food prices globe-wide, Haiti earthquake victims living in cardboard houses and millions of Mexican nationals risking their lives to come to America so that they can feed their families and our clue-less, arrogant, elitist FLOTUS is going to take her FatKidsBehind global. Without training or education in the nutrition field, she has assumed that she, and not the parents, know what’s best for our nation’s children.
    This has to stop.

    Every time she commandeers AF1, and the entourage that must accomany her, for her own purposes, she oversteps the privilege afforded to the woman who sleeps in the President’s bed.

  2. Oh my …. Tahrir Square!!!!!!

    Heavens. I can see Michelle Obama with a bullhorn asking the students to drop the ho-ho’s and step away from the kool aid.

    Keith, I swear … I laugh my azz off when I read these posts …. only someone with a truly demented sense of humor could write stuff like this! :-)

    The farting in class! Oh sh–!

  3. Don’t forget the black market (can I say that here) that is going to emerge with Oreo’s, Snickers and other illicit treats being sold on the playground and under the bleachers.

    • I am enjoying these comments! If only the kids really could put up a brave front of “resistance” to LadyMichelle. I am so tired of all this talk about healthy food. For a long time I have wondered when the powers that be, will be giving us coupons to ration: bakery, all fast food stands currently in operation, pizza, ice-cream stands, restaurants would need to have their menus scrutinized to comply w/LadyMichelle’s rules & regs.
      The Let’s Move Program is an excessive intrusion into privacy, as well as a terrible waste of time & money. Many physicians specializing in bariatric’s (wt. loss) are also opposed to “Let Move”. They call many
      of it’s tennants to be “junk science”.

  4. Hilarious!! I’ve wondered how that stuff would go down with students used to their fat, greasy comfort foods!

    They should start with other things other than broccoli and pepper strips! As for pepper strips, I’d refuse them myself; I hate the stuff.

  5. Honestly. As dumb as this chicago dumpster family are.

    O has to know his baggage, I mean wife is not a poster child First Lady.
    They lost a large majority of the FEMALE vote. Guaranteed it is in direct relation to Michele’s behavior. She was anti-America to begin but all this and the designer that. Too many women in this country have family if not their own that are hurting. To see this Bag lady grubbing and acting like the Tunisian Wife.. she, no matter what he pulls at primaries if their are any. Will lose. BIG TIME.
    Immediately we need to hound our State Election officials and legislators to Stop the early vote. No excuses. STOP it. Once any early vote is allowed t extension after extension goes into play.. All based on where the DEMS think they are. REPS need to do now to stop the funny voting. STOP weeks of early voting the polls. He will never win a legitimate election he can have the ground game of the vote early and often!

    So lets band together and hound our state pols now.. No excuses if the dem base is too lazy to get to the polls on regular poll days.. to hell with them the game is over .. No more will my vote be cancelled by an Acorn type game.

    • Where did you receive your eduction? Based on your lack sentence structure, or lack of, I would venture to say a dumpster. Learn to articulate yourself if you want to be taken seriously.

      Heart disease is the #1 killer in the country. I’d like to hear your arguement on how that condition came to be #1.

      I feel sorry for all of you on this page. Clearly, you have not been exposed to much in life. Venture outside of your small minds, see how others live, and educate yourself. Igorance is your biggest enemy, no Obama.

      Good luck!!!

  6. I don’t think Michelle’s plan to ban electric carts from entering supermarket junk food aisles is funny at all. After all, food stamps cover all junk food, just not soap and toilet paper. It would help the health of the poor to elimate paying for junk food.

  7. You can’t make this stuff up! We are Americans… and like it or not… should be free to eat, drink and smoke what we want. I don’t want to live in a Nanny-Nazi state especially with the president’s wife ordering me around. We need to get this regime out by voting smart in the next election.

  8. I wonder why she used South Dak. I would have thought New York or maybe Los Angeles or Sacramento..Big cities where there are a lot of hungry kids who would be glad of any food healthy or not

  9. Obamacare is still being funded!! Hundreds of NEW AGENCIES ARE BEING CREATED AT TAXPAYER EXPENSE! Because Obama didn’t pass a budget last October, (that’s right folks, 5 months ago), the Country continues to operate under what’s called “Continuing Resolutions”, and they renew them every 2 weeks. That’s because YOUR Congressman wants to be paid, and not as Liar Harry Reid lied and said, “If we shut down the Government, then Social Security check won’t go out”. He’s lying, SS checks always go out, even when the Federal Government shuts down as it has in the past. Harry Reid IS A LIAR. Period.
    Since they keep operating under a Continuing Resolution, Nancy Pelosi inserted a secret clause at the last minute when she was Speaker of the House (and since let out of the bag) that Obamacare gets funded, if the government is operating under a Continuing Resolution, which it is! It doesn’t matter to Obama, Pelosi and Reid that Federal Judge Vinson has declared it illegal and Unconstitutional, I T’ S S T I L L B E I N G F U N D ED That means that Pelosi and Reid are still creating all those hundreds of Agencies, which is what the $105 billion secret taxpayer money is for! Hundreds of NEW AGENCIES, and oh yes, 17,000 new IRS agents to make sure that YOU adhere to all of the a-hole regulations in it!! Call your Congressman now and leave a message: 202-224-3121, and tell them they are going to be fired like those 63 other Liberal Democrats who passed Obamacare in the first place!!
    If they ever pass Obama’s new budget, he calls for another 1.6 trillion dollars to be BORROWED FOR ALL OF HIS DEFICIT SPENDING! That money hasn’t been printed yet, and it will be paid off by kids who haven’t been born yet! IT”S ADDED ON TO THE 14 TRILLION THAT ALREADY CAN’T BE PAID FOR! Call your Congressman right now, leave a message and tell he/she/it that he’s fired! 202-224-3121

  10. MOO Is running for President, friends. Think how wonderful it will be for the Chicago gang if they can follow 8 years of BO with 8 MO years.

    She’s building her international presence just as she’s made herself a major presence on the U.S. scene.

    What a kick in the gut it will be for HIlliary if MoochMO can be First AfAM FLOTUS and First Female POTUS. If you can’t hear the ambition guns firing in MoochMO’s small, self-centered mind, you are deaf.

  11. Is this a joke? It can’t be true….a server being attacked by a student with an ice cream scoop of all things because she had a plate of green pepper strips and students being beaten up because they brought lunches from home? It’s almost laughable. And whats this article listen on this page….Calorie count for two white house meals…6,700? Hmmmm….wonder how healthy THAT was.

  12. I really get a kick out of the Obama Clan. Mr. Obama chows down at the Super Bowl with his buddies lot’s of enriching Cheetos and beer. Michelle when out of sight likes to indulge in choices of less than idea nutrition food. But that’s acceptable since “do as I say” is the choice of words of all good entitlement liberals.
    Who needs school dieticians when you’ve got Super Woman Blackie O standing over you making you eat what she tells you to eat.

  13. Mrs. Usurper-in-Chief should worry about her own fat hips… and leave school children alone. She needs to shut her mouth, and butt-out.

  14. This article is obviously jaded. However, I am a mother. A mother against Michelle and Obama. A word on dear Michelle, who is working hard to help Obama get re-elected. Obama apparently decided she hasn’t been in the limelight enough (you know, except for all those expensive outfits and vacations), so now Michelle is now STARVING kids on the School Lunch Program. Yep. Here we have student athletes who can only have a 1/2 a sandwich, OR a salad OR a piece of pizza, and a piece of fruit, and a little old 1 cup of skim milk, and she calls that healthy! Wow. Pizza counts as 1 vegetable (not!) and 2 starches (not, too! At least not whole grain.) Next time an athlete has a spontaneous lung collapse and is on the School Lunch Program, we can thank Michelle, who of course is only doing this for show to get dear old Obama elected again so he can destroy our country without having to worry about the next election. Even in a school (like ours) where many many kids are in sports and have very little obesity, the lunch they can get on the school lunch program is enough to starve them. Period. Make fun of Steve King if you want, but you’re wrong.