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Obama The Messiah Again? Hell Yeah!

by Keith Koffler on January 15, 2011, 11:34 am

Operator: White House

Caller: Get me Rouse.

Operator: Excuse me?

Caller: Get me Rouse.

Operator: You mean Pete Rouse, the senior adviser?

Caller: Get him.

Operator: Um, one moment please.

Rouse aide: Office of the senior adviser.

Caller: Get Rouse on the phone.

Rouse aide: Excuse me?

Caller: Get fucking Rouse on the phone.

Rouse aide: Excuse me?? Rahm, is that you?

Caller: Yes this is Rahm. Did you think it was Shirley Temple? Get me Rouse now.

Rouse aide: Yes, of course, right away.

Rouse: Hello? Rahm?

Rahm: You guys are totally screwing up the civility thing.

Rouse: I’m sorry?

Rahm: Civility. CIVILITY, DAMN IT!! WE NEED CIVILITY YOU MORON! You need to have Obama out there every day talking civility, damn it. We need to set up the contrast by making Obama nice again. Rush Limbaugh: A-hole; Sarah Palin: gun carrying nutjob; Obama: Wonderful guy – Messiah – get it?

Rouse: Rahm, we’re working the civility angle. We just had Michelle Obama put out her own call for everyone to -

Rahm: Nobody gives a shit about her. Let her stick to the little fatsos. What we need is more civility from the president. You are moving out of congressional campaign mode 2010 now and into 2012 presidential campaign mode. We need Messiah stuff. Unity. Cum-by-fucking-ya. You go it?

Rouse: Rahm, please don’t scream at me. You don’t even work here anymore.

Rahm: I do what I want. This is my legacy you’re working with over there. I’m an outside adviser. And I’m advising you to get with the civility program or I’m going to come over there, take my clothes off, and kick your ass up and down the State Dining Room. You got it?

Rouse (crying): Rahm, please don’t scream at me. Please don’t scream at me! We’re doing everything we can to re-brand the president back to nice. It’s not easy after all the stuff he said during the campaign about Republicans sipping Slurpees and Hispanics voting against their enemies, and so on. It’s going to take some time.

Rahm: Stop crying, you pathetic weakling. Yes, it will take time, which is why you need to start dialing it back to 2008 right now.

Rouse: Well, but we have to tweak some things. I mean, we can’t be about change when we’re the ones in power.

Rahm: Right, which is why I have a new slogan for you: “Hope and No Change.”

Rouse: “Hope and No Change?”

Rahm: Right. Didn’t you hear me the first time? Do you have bullshit stuck in your ears?

Rouse: It just sounds a little -

Rahm: Hope and No Change!!

Rouse: OK, OK.

Rahm: Here’s another. “Guns don’t kill people. Conservatives do.”

Rouse: Well, Obama just said that the rhetoric was not responsible for the killings.

Rahm: I know. I want you to tell Pelosi to say it.

Rouse: OK.

Rahm: And have Obama go to Capitol Hill to address the Republicans, and have him bring them all into the East Room to listen to their crap, and other similar types of bullshit events? Got it?

Rouse: Yes, good ideas, Rahm.

Rahm: Of course they’re good ideas. We’re going to make Obama nice again. We’re going back into inspiration mode, you got it?

Rouse: Yes, inspiration!

Rahm: I don’t want anyone at the White House saying conservatives are violent bastards. We can let Olbermann take care of that every night on TV, and Pelosi will do it from the Capitol.

Rouse: Right. And we’ve also given Begala and Carville their talking points about Rush and Palin.

Rahm: Good. But don’t have Obama go all Walt Disney on us. I mean, he can still crap on the fat cat bankers every once in a while, you know?

Rouse: Well, he can’t exactly do that.

Rahm: Well why not??

Rouse: Because Obama just put a banker in charge of the place. Daley was Midwest chairman of J.P. Morgan Chase.

Rahm: Oh yeah. Well, then it’s a full time love-in.

Rouse: Got it, Rahm Got it.

Midwest Chairman of J.P. Morgan Chase

Leave a Comment

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Star January 15, 2011 at 11:43 am

I laughed. Pelosi said it was an “accident.” Wha?

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srdem65 January 15, 2011 at 11:55 am

Speaking for, well, most Americans who have not had the pleasure of meeting MrEmanuel or actually hearing him speak, the question is: does he really talk that way to people? About people?
I’m guessing the point is that the WH will speak one way, act another in order to fool the public again. Won’t work. We don’t believe our “divider in chief” will change his ways.
Reading imaginary tea leaves, the Repubs will work on electing a majority Congress in 2012 and just give a nod and a wink to their presidential candidate allowing MrO to win reelection. That will insure that MrO will become a real “lame duck” president.

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Star January 15, 2011 at 11:57 am

As opposed to a lame president?

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Anonna January 16, 2011 at 1:41 pm

From everything that I have read, Mr. Rahm is known for speaking this way to people.

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Granny Jan January 15, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Of course, it will work. Most people aren’t paying that close attention. Most people aren’t watching and wouldn’t be interested in my videos that show the real Obama.

It will be the economy that will bring him down and the administration is trying their best to distract from that reality.

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Star January 15, 2011 at 12:13 pm

So so true that most people aren’t following any of this like we do. I have to keep remembering this…I have highly educated friends who didn’t even know the right was being blamed–I mean, the rhetoric…People just don’t follow…I had one friend who thought the whole $900 trill from the last bill was due to rich people not having to pay taxes.

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Star January 15, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I mean, billion, not trill. I am outta here–lunch with Mom.

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Granny Jan January 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Keith, I was wondering whether BO took a little time out from messiahering http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/hs077.snc6/168743_1734575279217_1083615932_1928835_6711692_n.jpg and healing the sick to play a little Bball today or more likely Sunday.

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Anonna January 16, 2011 at 1:43 pm

“Nobody gives a shit about her. Let her stick to the little fatsos.”

At least, no one literate in anything except fashion-gushing and feel-good junk cares. I am astonished at how few people write to Mrs. Obama on http://www.congress.org

She gets a letter every month or so.

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Star January 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I cancelled my Good Housekeeping when they shopped her down to Courtney Cox size with an actually nice looking dress…Forget it. What a lie! It did not get my Seal of Approval.

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Tom January 19, 2011 at 9:58 am

Keith,

I think it is now time for you to do some screenwriting for Saturday Night Live!!!!!!!! Or else a WHD segment on SNL!!!!!

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Keith Koffler January 19, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Tom thanks. And you need to get your radio show going . . .

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Keith Koffler January 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm

I know, I’m sorry about it. I believe I fixed the issue, but please let me know if it doesn’t seem to be updating. Thanks JE.

George is a big boy and he can take it. And he knows he ain’t contributing to the whitehouse.gov blog over here . . .

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