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Obama’s Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions

White House Dossier has obtained a copy of President Obama’s lengthy list of New Year’s Resolutions. We present ten of them here for your perusal

Note to readers: There were 11 resolutions we intended to include here, but after consultations with White House officials, WHD has agreed to redact one of them for purposes of national security. Others were left off the list because they were viewed as impractical or because they appear to have been added by Michelle.

Here are the remaining ten resolutions:

1. Only bow to world leaders who aren’t funding terrorism.

2. Tell Biden to stop singing to himself during Cabinet meetings.

3. Stop crying every time Pelosi yells at me.

4. Never leave my wallet out on the table again when Karzai is in the Oval Office.

5. Allow trials by military tribunal, but only for that guy who elbowed me in the lip.

6. No more late nights drinking and gambling with Hillary, Geithner, and Harry Reid.

7. Take it to the Taliban by beginning new “Shoot First and Ask Questions Later” policy.

8. Continue to allow bake sales on school premises as long as funds are used to reduce the deficit.

9. Lose a little weight.

10. Stop doing Michelle’s resolutions for her.

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6 Responses to Obama’s Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Lose a little weight!! ?
    If he does that, the SecretService will have to put one of those child harnesses on the Prez when he’s outside to keep him from blowing away.