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Obama Gets a Visit From the Tooth Fairy

The Scene: President Obama is sitting alone in his hotel room in Seoul, South Korea, nursing his wounds from a G-20 summit that has seen the rejection of his entreaties for China to let its currency rise and the failure of efforts to secure a trade deal with South Korea.

Suddenly, a small figure with a wand dressed like a magical fairy enters the chamber. Obama looks up from his slumber, stirring with mild concern.

“Excuse me, who are you? How did you get in here?”

“I’m the Tooth Fairy.”

“The what?”

“The Tooth Fairy.”

“Okay, you’re the Tooth Fairy. What are you doing here?”

“Well, I’ve come to complain about something.”

“You and everyone else.”

“Yes, well, it seems your cheap dollar policy is ruining me.”

“We don’t have a cheap dollar policy.”

“Please, don’t give me that bullshit. I’m supernatural, I know what’s going on.”

“Well, OK.”

“So I’ve been putting dollars underneath all the pillows of these kids who lose their teeth, and they’re totally dissatisfied. I mean, they’re demanding euros for chrissake. You’re destroying my business.”

“Listen, what am I going to do? The Chinese won’t devalue their currency. I gotta get them buying U.S. goods or the economy is never going to get going. There just a bunch of jerks”

“Well, why don’t YOU start being a jerk.”

“Well, they’ll get angry and -”

“They expect you to be a jerk. They will respect you and like you for it.”

“But if I can just show them my goodwill they’ll see I’m only trying to -”

“Will you grow the fuck up? These people clawed their way to the top of a massive dictatorship. They don’t have any time for your feel-good bullshit.”

“But I felt if I could just reason with Hu Jintao -”

“Yeah, well, he told his aides you were very reasonable.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

“No, that’s bad.”

“That’s bad? He said I was reasonable.”

“Yes, but he’s unreasonable.”

“But if I -”

“He’ll only listen to you if you’re unreasonable. You have to get outside yourself Barack. The world doesn’t operate on your elevated level. You have to take people for who they are.”

“Well, what should I do?”

“Declare China a ‘Currency Manipulator.'”

“Oh, yes, well the Commerce Department has been studying that for months but right now we feel it could provoke a terrible reaction.”

“Are they manipulating their currency?”

“Yes.”

“Then declare China a Currency Manipulator.”

“What else should I do?”

“Bomb Iran.”

“Bomb Iran?”

“Do you have a lot of bunker busting bombs?”

“Yeah, lots of them.”

“Use them all. Bomb the shit out them. What’s your choice? Sanctions aren’t working. Is it really acceptable for Iran to have nuclear weapons? It’ll be the end of the world as we know it.”

“But what’s this got to do with China? They’ll be furious. The Middle East will explode.”

“No they won’t be, and no it won’t. They’ll all love it. They’ll worship you. And they’ll know you finally mean business.”

“I do mean business.”

“You don’t mean crapola. How do you think Reagan got the attention of the Russians?”

“He was tough with them.”

“PATCO strike.”

“The what? Oh yeah . . . ”

“He fired all the air traffic controllers for striking, and Russia knew he was someone not to mess with. But you’re way too far gone, buddy. You need to bomb Iran to let China know you’re the man. Instead of messing with them, which is what they expect, you got off on the wrong foot with them by letting Hillary says she didn’t want to talk to them about dissidents.”

“But they know it’s pro forma.”

“But if you don’t mention it, they take it as signal they can do what they want, and that you are too weak to stand up to them.”

“You have a pretty subtle grasp of diplomacy for a Tooth Fairy. You even sound a little bit like Henry Kissinger.”

(Silence)

“Wait second, take off that costume.”

“I really must be going.”

“Give me this – you ARE HENRY KISSINGER.”

“You never take my phone calls.”

“Well, I’m sorry. Maybe we can talk some more in the future.”

“Thank you Mr. President.”

“Let me ask you – why did you dress up like the tooth fairy?”

“Well, it just seemed from the way you were conducting foreign policy, you probably believed in the tooth fairy.”

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3 Responses to Obama Gets a Visit From the Tooth Fairy

  1. LOL ………………….. the last statement here sums up Barack Obama, the 1960’s, the Democrats (and many Rep’s) and literally the sum total of liberalism: a beleif in the peurile, silly things of life. Liberalism (a religion, President Obama, its prideful, Marxist theologian) applies an Alice in Wonderland approach to everythign political, especially foreign policy. He goes to Korea and got *slammed* by the Koreans, Chinese and the Brits. Heavens. President Irrelevant got “out-G’ed by the G’s” * and he doesn’t even know it.

    * guerilla’s. The term is COL David Hackworth’s and was coined by COL Hackworth in 1969 when his unit (4/39th Infantry) “out guerilla’ed the guerilla” — beating (killing) Communists with their own tactics in Vietnam where he reaked havoc against VC strongholds in the Mekong Delta when he skippered 4/39 against the “G’s”. It is also a business term referring to those who go to asia to make money but instead get taken to the cleaners.