President Obama has recently been suggesting that the U.S. Chamber of Commerce is using foreign money to influence U.S. elections. Now, White House Dossier has determined that the Chamber is indeed aggressively promoting foreign interests, and its lobbyists and working overtime in Washington on behalf of other countries.
What follows is a list, obtained by White House Dossier, of nine countries getting help from the Chamber, and the action item each has requested. The list lends support to Obama’s suggestion that the Chamber is indeed the stooge of foreigners.
1. Germany: Serve Wiener Schnitzel in the nation’s public schools every Wednesday and Friday.
2. Canada: Establish a national “Canada Matters Day.”
3. Mexico: Expand U.S. territory by 500 feet along the border so most of the narco-killers are suddenly living in the United States.
4. France: Provide diplomatic assistance to arrange surrender should country be attacked by Germany or Russia.
5. Turkey: Change the English translation of the country’s name to “chicken.”
6. Saudi Arabia: Establish mandatory lower back exercises in the U.S. so average Americans can bow like Obama, in case they run into Saudi royalty.
7. China: Provide federally subsidized coupons for each parent to buy twelve pieces of plastic crap for their kids each year.
8. North Korea: Find out who’s making that tapping sound that’s annoying Kim Jong-Il.
9. Spain: Force Michelle Obama to pay for all the miniature shampoo bottles she took.