As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

A Conversation Between Two Ladies

“Allo?”

“Uh, hello, Carla, is this you?”

“Oui, zees ees zee first lady of France. Wees ‘oom am I speaking?”

“Carla, this is Michelle Obama. I wanted to ask you about what you told your biographer, that I said being first lady was Hell.”

“Yess, you sink it eez zee ‘ell, yess.”

“Well, I don’t. I never said it. I love this job and I want you to tell everyone I think being first lady is wonderful.

“Well, I am afraid I cannot do zat, seeence you said it was zee ‘ell. Zat is what you said.”

“Zat is not what I said. I mean that is not what I said. I told you I thought it was great.

“No, you said you were seeek of looking at zee little fat Americans and zee job was ‘ell.

“Listen, you need to stop making stuff up.”

“And you said you were never proud of America until two years ago.”

“No I didn’t – I mean, I did, but not to you.”

“You said you ‘ate America, and your life is ‘ell.”

“I ate America?”

“And why you are zee beetch? Why you are zee beetch when I tell zee trute. First you insult me when you come to Paris, and now you call me zee liar.”

“How did I insult you when I came to Paris?”

“Why if you no insult me you come to visit me dressed in zat black and red tablecloth? I almost put a dish on you and start ‘aving lunch. And I was dress a in nice classy grey outfit like zee Jackie Kennedy. And everyone say YOU are like zee Jackie Kennedy!”

“Listen, bitch, I spent four months picking out that outfit. I’m sorry you didn’t make much of a splash with yours.

“You are not zee Jackie! I am zee Jackie! You sink you are zee beeg feesh in zee pond, but you are really just a beeg frog.

“Excuse me, who exactly is the frog around here?”

“I am not zee frog! You forget I am an Italian woman. Eet eez my ‘usband who eez zee frog. I mean – he too is not zee frog! He eez my little emperor, zee president! And I sing very nicely. I am talented woman. And what sound do you make? What eez zee sound zat goats make?”

“Listen, all I’m trying to tell you is I never said I don’t like my job. I love the job and enjoy helping kids slim down.”

“In France, all children are required to do one hour of Pilates a day and drink Perrier for breakfast. Zat is why zay are sin.”

“Sin?”

“Sthin. Thhhhin.”

“OK, but I don’t think that will go over very well here.”

“Zay also ‘ave a cigarette instead of Doritos at snack time.”

“OK, I need to go now.”

“Go! Go back to your torment. Don’t you or any Americans ever come back to France. Unless the Russians attack us.”

“Goodbye.”

“Au revoir.”

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13 Responses to A Conversation Between Two Ladies

  1. Too funny!!!! I suspect MO did confide something to Carla. The quote sounds too stereotypically “American slang” for me to believe it’s really a quote. I suppose the girls got comfy and started talking about the difficulties of being pampered political spouses and MO said something like, “What has it been like? Don’t ask! You’re never out of the public’s eye — the security — the schedules — it’s hell.” And we got a boiled down version. What’s truly interesting is that no one seems to disbelieve that it happened. MO supporters rush to her defense (“It is hell to have your clothing and your food and parties criticized every day.”) and MO dislikers feel they knew it all along.

  2. Keith, wonderful. I laughed, but luckily did not have a mouthful of coffee!

    If Michelle did say those things, Bruni should *never* have revealed them. If they were speaking friend-to-friend ( elite-to-elite ) Bruni should have kept those comments to herself. When Drudge first posted everything, within an hour the WH and Paris had weighed in, in an across the pond, “she said, she said” battle. FLOTUS is clueless and classless.

  3. The first line (“allo”) had me laughing.
    Whether or not she actually said her life in the WH was “hell”, most folks seem to believe that she could have that feeling. I’m no fan of Mrs O and think she embarrasses us with her attire, her lack of proper protocol, and her excesses but a she said/she didn’t say attack is pretty catty and hard to defend. She can look in the mirror for reason people believe it.
    While most everyone remembers her “proud of my country” line, a lot of us remember her comment during a TV interview when asked how she like living in the WH…”we live above the store” was her reply. She’s spent the last 18 months telling us that our kids are fat and lazy but she’s going to change that with “her” legislation. Now, she says that adults are fat and lazy but she’ll take care of that, too. She’s managed to build a lot of resentment towards the FirstLady status that most Americans didn’t care about in the past. The lavish parties and vacations, the designer clothes and the constant criticism are just grating on the public’s perception of the First Lady who says “do as I say because I know better than you” .

  4. The hypocrisy of Michelle Obama is simply *staggering*. The liberals wanted a Second Camelot and what they got was the Chicago verison of Sanford and Wife [ cue music ] a corrupt, sympathetic Marxist, anti-Semite with a wife, who, like Hillary, has ridden the coattails of political excess.

    Since the election, Mrs. Obama has denigrated the country (causions, Christians and conservatives in particular) through use of nuanced words and phrases (playing off various “racial barriers”) to effect blowback from the media: We must elect these two because we are racist bastards.

    Once taking office she’s shown no class: she’s insidiously disrespectful, foul mouthed, and lives a life of excess while talking down to the people. She is truly a modern day Marie Antoinette in many respects. Mrs. Obama was packaged as the second Jackie Kennedy, but she turned out to be Jackie Brown who never got her grove on.

  5. Um…Keith, does Barack ever pull you aside and give you what-for for talking about his wife??
    What am I thinking?
    (head/palm combo)
    That would technically be talking to the Press which he clearly not allowed to do.
    Forget I asked.

    • Brett, he hasn’t, but somewhere here is going to try to kick my ass eventually. I hope so at least because I’m always looking for good material.

    • DaSicilian – thanks – i was referring to when Obama first went there with Michelle. Everybody was waiting to see what they would wear in the fashion face off. I think it was called a draw.