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U.S.- Russia Reset Button Failure Led to Bushehr Reactor Fueling

Note to Readers: Reporting for this story was conducted over a period of six months by a team of three White House Dossier correspondents who met secretly with dozens of administration and other officials in Washington area parking garages and ate chicken sandwiches for lunch.

An exclusive White House Dossier investigation has determined that Russia’s surprise decision this week to begin fueling the Iranian nuclear reactor at Bushehr occurred as a result of faulty wiring in the Reset Button pressed last year by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov.

Clinton and Lavrov "reset" relations

The investigation has revealed that tens of millions of dollars spent on developing the Reset Button went to waste on unnecessary overhead charges – much of the work could and should have been done without a roof – lavish meetings in far-flung locales at which sushi was served, and inflated salaries of project management executives who spent most of their time playing poker.

Millions of dollars of taxpayer-appropriated funding are simply unaccounted for. Halliburton is somehow involved and did something wrong.

The result was a reset button completely stripped of its ability to remake U.S.-Russian relations.  “They might as well have been pressing a tomato,” said one senior State Department official.

The investigation points to the failure of engineers to properly route the device’s intricate electrical circuitry, resulting in a catastrophic failure.

“Normally, you attach the green wire to the green wire, the blue wire to the blue wire, and the yellow wire to the yellow wire,” said one technician who was closely involved with the project. “What we failed to understand was that in this case, you were supposed to attach the green wire to the blue wire, the blue wire to the yellow wire, and the yellow wire to the green wire,” he said. “It’s a complete fiasco.”

Internal diagram of the "Reset Button"

After realizing this spring that the reset button was not working, Russia immediately started misbehaving, determining to provide Iran with critical assistance on the path to developing nuclear weapons. Spent nuclear fuel rods from the reactor can be used can be used to make weapons-grade nuclear material,

Iran has agreed to give Russia the spent fuel rods, which a key safeguard in the agreement. But comments by one top Iranian official call into question this aspect of the deal.

“We plan to live up to the agreement,” said the official, who met with a White House Dossier reporter in Vienna. “But, you know, things get lost. That doesn’t make us bad people. Besides, the nuclear reactor is solely going to be use for making electric vehicles.”

Asked for comment yesterday, a senior White House official expressed concern about the nuclear reactor.

“While we applaud the Iranian leadership for its commitment to electric vehicles, we worry that the infrastructure for charging the vehicles has not yet been properly established in Iran,” he said.

The Iranian official assured White House Dossier that International Atomic Energy Agency nuclear inspectors currently allowed to visit the reactor will continue to have access.

“As long as all of their papers are in order, everything should be fine,” he said.

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3 Responses to U.S.- Russia Reset Button Failure Led to Bushehr Reactor Fueling

  1. OMG!! What was the WH thinking when they gave Hillary a pair of pliers and the schematics for something so important?
    Well, at least we can relax knowing that the Iranians are peaceloving and just trying to save the planet by not using fossil fuels. In addition, secret documents have revealed that Government , oops, General Motors is opening a plant in Iran to retrofit the “Volt” to run on nuclear power furthering our own economy.
    We can say that this is a real win-win-win for the USA, Russia and Iran, all BFF, and always. Israel, not so much.
    Kudos to the investigative team for their bravery, dedication and modesty in uncovering this major story. Pulitizer Prize stuff for sure.

    • Thank you srdem65. It appears the only part of the story we missed was Hillary’s involvement in the design. Apparently, since she had constructed that chart way back detailing her health care plan, it was thought she could figure out the wiring on the Reset Button.

  2. She should have bought an EASY button instead. This is so far above my paygrade…. I gather no matter how often you make nice and peer into the souls of Russians, they still do whatever they want.