As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

The Nine Snootiest Practices of Barack Obama

Commenting on a recent post in which I noted Obama’s love for and knowledge of basketball, a knowing reader said that he was a little sick of hearing so much about Obama’s B-Ball acumen when the president’s real game is GOLF.

Obama golfAnd you know what, though Obama knows and loves hoops, he’s right.

President Obama puts in 18 holes nearly every weekend. Once over a recent two or three day spread he got in 36. I don’t know about you, but if I was spending so much time on the fairways my wife would have my clubs on ebay before you could say “tee time.”

Of course, the White House doesn’t really like to emphasize Obama’s love of the links. And that’s simply because golf is for the rich people, and Obama is for the poor people.

For example, a search of the White House page on Flickr, where Obama’s photogs upload their work, yields only nine results for “golf.” You get three dozen photos back if you plug in the word “basketball.”

Bush loved golf too but came to feel it was not appropriate to be playing effete rich boy games while the troops were in the field. It also got him some bad PR. Remember this?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3p9y_OEAdc[/youtube]

Me, I don’t care what Obama does to relax himself. If a little golf will somehow stop his hair from turning gray at its current pace, go for it. But the White House damn well cares. And it turns out there are indeed several other Upper Income Folk activities in which the Light of Hope engages.

After numerous conversations with White House sources who refused to be named so that they don’t get fired and then cussed at by the staff, I have uncovered the Nine Snootiest Practices of Barack Obama, none of which the White House wants you to know:

1. Saturday morning ballet sessions with Rahm, including practicing splits and an extremely competitive pirouette contest.

2. Monthly discussions with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright comparing and contrasting the theologies of Thomas Aquinas and Augustine of Hippo, with an emphasis on whether chickens “really come home to roost.”

3. Regular croquet matches on the South Lawn with National Economic Council Director Larry Summers and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

4. Smoking Dunhills and sipping expensive sherry behind in the Rose Garden while Michelle is away at some crazy “Let’s Move” deal.

5. Private gatherings at which guests taste expensive wines and spit them off the Truman Balcony onto the South Lawn

6. Chess matches with the ghost of Bobby Fischer during Lincoln Bedroom séance.

7. Stamp collecting and trading with Sen. Harry Reid.

8. Lifetime membership in Nicolas Sarkozy’s French film club, “Cinema Très Fantastique!”

9. Daily massages administered by National Economic Council Director Larry Summers.

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One Response to The Nine Snootiest Practices of Barack Obama

  1. Dont forget yukking it up while an over-the-hill rock star disrespects a past president and then waltzing off to read a few chapters of Niebuhr or some other thumbsucking mess his predecessor would never crack. Actually–does Obama read books? We haven’t gotten a condescending reading list in a while.